"I will be with you when you lose your breath"

things my mother hates:
'people i love dying / rats / being an unhappy family / deadlines / injustice / ageing'

Some pictures of a squirrel I saw that was awesome:




things that make me happy/want to cry:

grandfathers walking through parks -
leaves falling from trees -
songs like
here comes the sun -
children who
smile as
wide
as possible
-
laughing on bikes - lying on bright towels - humming on silent trains - kicking stones -
when water ripples -
the word ;
'echo'
-

she remembers building huts on her parents farm in the place where she only now knows she felt safest she used to swim in the river with her friends and convince people you were walking on sheep bones and by the time the other children realised it was just sticks there was no longer any significance in the car with her mother she listened to jazz records and grew up liking them in secret but now alone in the safety of her room she listens to 'bright side of the road' and remembers kicked up dust covering the tyres and bumping along tracks worn with occasional use and her mothers raspy voice like sand paper she thinks back to the days of sitting in a classroom looking outside at the clouds that seemed to be spinning and learning french verbs based entirely on the dreams of one day going there from her peeling wooden desk in the middle of an ocean her fantasies seemed as far away as the places in which they existed je vois tu vois il voit nous voyons vous voyez ils voient but her mother told her while hanging billowing washing on rusting lines 'believe in yourself, because theres nothing else to believe in' so she looked at the clouds and imagined the world she had not yet seen and now that she had she missed the days of shelter and grass and heat and afternoons her father used to strike huge dusty books onto the dining room table about faraway lands with exotic words speaking of people they had never before seen and she pored over them with him in their cramped spaces that seemed to extend across the entire universe and now that she'd discovered it all with a pounding heart he had filled with hope she discovered that she had loved them most in their faded dining room, closer to pure happiness than she had ever again managed to salvage.