"Love me, because love doesn't exist, and I have tried everything that does."

The train wooshed past with a burst of sound and I watched the people that meant nothing. So many things are throbbing around us. So many lives are pulsating. Can't you feel it? Feel it within you, almost bursting? But the cobwebs were there, sticky, thick cobwebs in my squashed brain, and so still I could not understand. Under, under, under, 'think.' and nothing. I could feel myself falling, I could feel the dirt pressing on my shoulders, gathering at my fingertips. Around me, the people kept moving, thousands of them, all so faraway. I watched them tangle around me, heads filled with purpose, minds aching with emotion. It hit me as I breathed. 'in, out, in, out.'
'is this heartache,' I thought, 'or does this just come with being alive?'
The trains passed me, the people got on and off. Life continued, just like forever.
Am I sad or nothing?

"we were stupid, because we believed in things."
"why is this stupid?"
"because there are things not to be believed in."
"love?"
"there is no love, only the end of love."
"goodness?"
"do not be a fool."
"God?"
"if god exists, he is not to be believed in."