"Well, I think I'll go turn myself off, And go on down, All the way down.. Really ain't no use in me hanging around"

I havent written anything in
so long
I hope I haven't forgotten how.
I have all these nice books too, made of some kind of paper thats all allusive, and then there they are,
just sitting blank.
you know, blank pages actually kind of depress me.
But I dont know here are some nice lyrics woo

Count your blemishes you can't they're all gone
I can't see your response putting them back on
Like they're waiting for your guard to fall
So they can see it all
And you're so occupied with what other persons are occupied with
And vice versa
And you've become what you thought was dumb
A fraction of the sum
And now it's coming back hasn't it come too far
I was trying to help but I guess I pushed too hard
And now we can't even touch it
Afraid it'll fall apart

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

there are so many flies in my room
this is
so
ridiculous
there should not be this many flies how is this possible
i dont even understand how they got in here the door is shut as are the windows
what did they do
what did they even do
there is no logical way that they could have found themselves here
unless they climbed through tiny little gaps or something
but just
why
why the effort

"You told me you wanted to eat up my sadness, well jump on, enjoy, you can gorge away"

Today I went to the river again! It's become like a little habit or something. I have this little spot now, right by the water on this ledge thing, and you get this swell view of the water that runs into the sun and theres always this interesting light etc etc its great. And there are always fishermen hanging about on the side, just sort of watching, and birds, its like a new little world! I always sort of wonder what they're expecting to catch though. I thought it was only eels that are in the Yarra River. Who eats eels? Why would you want to catch an eel? There is nothing successful about that. But anyway, today on my trek back I saw this guy rollerblading in pink sunglasses and skinny jeans. It was great. Put me in a good mood for hours.

"Hope you had a good weekend; I did. Wasted at the Gay Pride Parade, yet again. Not even gay, I just love a parade."

I can never write on this blog anymore. I always just sit at the screen and sort of twiddle my fingers and then get distracted and stalk nick strmecki. So I thought; 'hey, theres a bunch of stuff in my books just growing mould, i mose well post it round somewhere.' Anyway, I went and got some juice and it exploded in my face and then I had a look through books and got distracted thinking about words and was like; 'i should totally try and get a job with jason crombie' so then I googled jason crombie and it turns out theres another jason crombie that is a little disabled child that died. And then I thought; you can just never escape sadness, can you? You can try and google a funny guy that posts pictures of cats eating pizza on the internet, and stumble upon a poor little child with a disability that has died. The moral of the story is, you can't be happy, even if you become a gypsy and run away every time something bad happens.

"None of this now needed, baby dead."

With TENZIN. kindof.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=waVAFoMYBXM

"Lets do some living after we die"

I'm home its bad.
I miss London and Zoe and things bla bla etc.

The Stooges have a song that is 10 minutes 16 seconds long. Like, what. I thought you were supposed to be Punk. They also have a song called 'I wanna be your dog.' It goes a little something, like this;

So messed up
I want you here
In my room
I want you here
Now we're gonna be
Face-to-face
And I'll lay right down
In my favorite place

And now I wanna
Be your dog
Now I wanna
Be your dog
Now I wanna
Be your dog
Well c'mon

Now I'm ready
To close my eyes
And now I'm ready
To close my mind
And now I'm ready
To feel your hand
And lose my heart
On the burning sands

And now I wanna
Be your dog
And now I wanna
Be your dog
Now I wanna
Be your dog
Well c'mon

Hmm. Go Iggy.

I might write about Europe things later I dunno who knows what I'll do I'm crazy. Something pretty lame is that I listened to 'Wild Horses' on the plane and it reminds me of late nights with Zoe in her little Battersea apartment ALREADY like what I'm reminiscing two days after leaving and it made me all ~wistful~ so I looked out the window awhile. Alright I'm done ramblin'

bon chance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm in Paris and I just got back from a dinner picnic in the park right in front of the eiffel tower and I was with my gay american godfather and all our american friends and we ate cheese and prossutio and bagguetes and every hour we watched the eiffel tower sparkle and light up and I don't even have to try to smile anymore I just keep realising that I've got this stupid goofy grin on my face and sue kept putting her arm around me and saying; 'isn't this amazing, arent we so lucky' and I just nodded and did the stupid smile without even caring she was touching me and usually I hate anyone touching me but I didn't even care and I'm singing in the shower again did I ever even sing in the shower tonight I sung 'stand by me' and 'sugar pie honey bunch' and Eds boyfriend heard and I don't even care that my voice sounds like reincarnated dead things and wewent to the Louvre and there was this entire massive room of Portraits of this woman from the 17th century and she was middle aged and unattractive and half of them were here flashing her boob or just chilling on a horse naked and Matt kept remarking on how they were all featured in her house and how uncomfortable he would feel if he were a guest eating dinner and looking at naked photos of this woman at her house and I don't even know why it was so funny but I love Matt and Paris and I don't know I'm just in love with everything right now and I went for a walk tonight with Ed and we talked about how much I should travel and how when you live somewhere else you realise how much you love your home and I do, I mean I really really do and I don't know everything just seems so absolutely possible and wonderful and just...full. Just full.