"And Riff Firament Their" -Tatyana Andrew

Ha Ha so my throat is like killing me and every time I talk I sound like a man or just croak out something retarded and I just walked to the library with like my fourth fucking cup of tea and dropped my phone like 5 times and every time I dropped my phone I spilt tea all over myself and enjoyed a burning sensation and now I'm all alone in the library because I finished my work before the class even started and I have no friends except for these two random year 11s in front of me that have greasy hair and talk loudly and obnoxiously about not funny jokes cementing their lack of social skills and, as a bonus, today sabrina the gnome looking girl with the lazy eye sat with me h3h3h3 yay mi lyf :)))))))))

And now I'm going to go write a story about Russian Serfs that nobody reads and pretend to be learning omgilovethisschoolsomuchxoxo

"I do not count the time, for who knows where the time goes?"

I'm actually a bit concerned about the number of my friends that have made out in my bathroom. SHOWERING WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN. Maybe its the little hint of danger that comes with the slippery tiles.
Will you stay upright? Will you fall? Do you know?
Regardless of the sexual shenanigans, saturday night was great etcetera etcetera. Guitar was played in my bathtub, so I consider it all a grand success.

In other news,
I HAVE DISCOVERED THE ORGAN, AND, LIKE SHEEP, ANIMALS THAT CANNOT TURN AROUND WHICH KNOW ABOUT, I AM NOT LOOKING BACK.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=peQPDv4MpBg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mb3iPP-tHdA

^ Organ Necessities.

"Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I am not living"

Sometimes I wonder if the chicken tapestry is on my wall because I legitimately enjoy it or just enjoy the idea of it.
I think thats an adequate enough metaphor for my life.

I wonder is it actually possible to be truly happy? Or even slightly happy? Because what does anybody have to compare to?
And am I selfish and am I selfish to think that I'm selfish?
And does everyone get this abhorrent feeling?
I feel kind of nothing. And thats worse than being sad I think.

Flail |flāl|
verb
1 wave or swing or cause to wave or swing wildly : [ intrans. ] his arms were flailing helplessly | [ trans. ] he flailed his arms and drove her away.
• [ intrans. ] flounder; struggle uselessly : I was flailing about in the water | he flailed around on the snow.

"Rebel children, I urge you, fight the turgid slick of conformity with which they seek to smother your glory."

TODAY I went home and watched Reservoir Dogs and ate chocolate and lemonade ugh I have such a great adventurous life I know I am just partying 24/7 all day long.

ANYWAY. Yesterday my lovely brother Adam and Erin got married and wow I CANNOT EXPLAIN IT I SHANT EVEN TRY.I mean I always wondered when I was at weddings how people cried because I was just sort of like okay yep they're getting married kudos to you guys but now I understand! They're so in love, it makes me very happy. And I love them both very much.
And, just to make this little post even longer, heres a fun Russell Brand quote that's decidedly irrelevant.

The light. The light is so bright that all that remains is you and the darkness. You can feel the audience breathing. It's like holding a gun or standing on a precipice and knowing you must jump. It feels slow and fast. It's like dying and being born and fucking and crying. It's like falling in love and being utterly alone with God; you taste your own mouth and feel your own skin and I knew I was alive and I knew who I was and that that wasn't who I'd been up till then. I'd been so far away but I knew I was home.

'Is it just, that how we manage, is not by love but force of habit?'

On the cement the outline of a rainbow lay in splattered paint. We had drawn it in the morning, in worn clothes with stiff paintbrushes, fingers numb with cold. The colors were wrong, blue put next to red, and the picture had dried messy and faint, the rain washed it and I watched the paint trickle away, the colours mixed in with the rain and ran down the gutter. Light made way for dark, the sky opened and softened. My breaths were slow and quiet to match the world, I shut my eyes and felt the darkening of the sky in my eyelids, smoky reds and purples and oranges grew faint, the rain thrummed, my breath murmured. The soap mixed in with the water, which mixed in with the paint, everything blurred and disappeared, 'surely this is metaphorical of something.' The rain fluttered down the sunset; Radiohead said 'I'm not living, I'm just killing time.' So much emotion is in everything.

'If I could be, who you wanted, If I could be, who you wanted. All the time. All the time....'

"I wouldn't trade one heart broken minute for a years worth of dull happiness"

I feel as if this is the type of conversation that only someone as horrible as me could find funny at all. But oh man. I actually chuckled as I wrote out my little replies. I thought I was the wittiest old fool to walk the earth.

Tat:
YEP
YEP
Me: Did you really need to send that twice?
Tat: Lolwat I actually didn't
Me: You did insolent fool!
Tat: I did not!
Me: Eat lightbulb!
Tat: What sort of a comeback is that?
Me: A comeback worthy of a king. And several of his men!
Tat: You are so lame
Me: I pity the fool!

In other news, oh my god oreos rock my world. Seriously, if it wasn't weird and unpleasant and probably illegal somehow, I WOULD KISS YOU, OREO. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND TRUE.

"Whatever you are, be a good one."

The letter my mum just gave to me:

'Dear Caitlin,
No one could have a more special and wonderful daughter than you. I love that you're writing letters to your friends and grandma, so here's one from me. I think you're very clever, kind, funny, loyal and pretty and I love you very much. I can't wait for our trip to Europe together and sharing lots of great times!
xxx Mum

ALSO. A Picture of Dorian Grey is a pretentious, cynical book that is trying to stick dated ideas down my throat. I AM MUCHOS ANNOYED-OS. Oscar Wilde I thought you were so great hey whats up with that man!?

"So what’s so interesting about you-o where’s the damage, where’s the fun? Think of all the things we done. But we’ll never do them no more-o"

In the words of Freddy Mercury;
‘I want to break free
God knows, God knows I want to break free’
I guess we all do, don’t we? We all want to escape from ourselves, in some way. It’s like those stupid urges you get to start screaming, or shouting at the top of your lungs in public. Is it the deranged side of us trying to get out? To be honest, I think it could be a really cool existence if you let it. If you just let yourself...be.

At a conference of sociologists in America in 1977, love was defined as "the cognitive-affective state characterized by intrusive and obsessive fantasizing concerning reciprocity of amorant feelings by the object of the amorance." That is jargon - the practice of never calling a spade a spade when you might instead call it a manual earth-restructuring implement - and it is one of the great curses of modern English.

"I was heading to Nebraska. Now there's a sentence you don't want to say too often if you can possibly help it."

Last night was possibly one of the strangest, most confusing, ridiculous nights of my life. I have never in my wildest antics seen somebody so drunk they proceed to spend several hours talking in a strange, horrible twangy american accent and don't even notice it themselves. Then again, I've also never seen someone simultaneously half naked and vomiting, so there you go, let's chuck a little perspective into the ring. You know whats lovely? I spent several hours hanging out with my mum today. Joking like a couple of rascals, havin a laff and the like. I think it's really nice me and my mum can still hang out with each other after all this time. It's a great relationship to have, a good'un with your rents. On another note, Bill Bryson really is a god;

"It is not true that the English invented cricket as a way of making all other human endeavors look interesting and lively; that was merely an unintended side effect. ...It is the only sport that incorporates meal breaks. It is the only sport that shares its name with an insect. It is the only sport in which spectators burn as many calories as the players-more if they are moderately restless".

"What do you want from me?" he asks. What I want from every person in my life, I want to tell him. More."

status i saw just now:
'just saw harry potter...i cried 4 times...i must now see it at imax :P'

.....Like, okay man, cool....
I don't even understand how a person manages to do that though. Four fucking times? Seriously? I mean I get maybe when him and hermione were all like 'aaaah I'm gonna die soon bye I love you *HUG!*' but where are the other three times? WHERE? HIDING, ARE THEY? Some people get way too emotional about fantasy novels. But yep saw Harry Potter tonight with Jules n' Co GETTING ON THE OL' H-POTZ BAND WAGON. RIDIN ALONG, SEEIN THE VIEW.

Before I continue on my delightfully not at all funny Harry Potter rant, here is a cute little Mark Twain quote. He was a lovely man, Twain. I would have enjoyed meeting him I think. If I were alive back in the day. I think he would have had much good advice. Him and Oscar Wilde. Imagine if they were a team!! Or a kinky gay couple.

I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.

"Goddamn sometimes I only want this feeling to stay and last."

I am so happy right now in these lovely little holidays. If life was like the holidays all the time I think we would live in a much happier world, probably without war and world hunger and AIDS. We should all live the way Joe Strummer did before he died. How he would go around to all these different countries all over the world and see the communities and listen to all their different kinds of music and just take it all in. And he would live for months just camping, sitting around bonfires with all these interesting people, totally removed from the rest of the world. That was his dream, according to this documentary I watched. For the world to be full of campfires, all these happy communities. Yep the Clash aren't just a punk band boom.

Like he said;
"People can change anything they want to. And that means everything in the world. People are running about following their little tracks - I am one of them. But we've all got to stop just following our own little mouse trail. People can do anything - this is something that I'm beginning to learn. People are out there doing bad things to each other. That's because they've been dehumanised. It's time to take the humanity back into the center of the ring and follow that for a time. Greed, it ain't going anywhere. They should have that in a big billboard across Times Square. Without people you're nothing. "

"Why does what was beautiful suddenly shatter in hindsight because it concealed dark truths? Because happiness is only real if it lasts forever?"

I wonder if there is actually such thing as one true soul mate out of everyone in the world and if so is there one for everyone? Do we all match up in this really neat way? It kind of seems like there isn't since generally people spend more time picking out faults and being negative than letting ourselves be happy, me included, but I mean.. obviously you can fall in love for real. Otherwise there wouldn't be so many stupid songs. I suppose, in the end, I just don't want my life to be one refrain. I think it'd be very sad, to die without having loved anything truly. It's like J R Moehringer said 'being alone has nothing to do with how many people are around.' Which is true, as stupid a name J R Moehringer is.

The dark nights are drawing in
And your humour is as black as them
I look at yours, you laugh at mine
And "love" is just a miserable lie

"Here's an easy way to figure out if you're in a cult: If you're wondering whether you're in a cult, the answer is yes."

So this morning I woke up at like 11.30, and the house was empty as per usual and I was like k whatever family don't leave a note or anything NOT LIKE I CARE, and then I was like k I'll have a shower but then there was NO CONDITIONER. So I was like oh HMMMM I'll lay out the clothes I'll wear today and go down to the pharmacy to get some conditioner. So I wander on down to the pharmacy looking like a homeless person that just got hit by a bus, and I got there and got really concerned for a sec because the only conditioner I could see was shit for like 28 bucks and I was all 'I DO NOT HAVE 28 BUCKS' but then I got some for 10. And then I got home and had a shower which was great very fulfilling all that and now my hair feels goddam amazing. Like I'm not even kidding I've just been sitting here stroking it for like 5 minutes. And now I'm waiting for Maz and Tatyana to arrive and I might watch angus thongs and perfect snogging because I love that movie on the quiet. cool story rite i no.

"Remember, you cannot be both young and wise. Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are mostly just cynics. Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a rejection of the world because we are afraid it will hurt us or disappoint us. Cynics always say no. But saying “yes” begins things. Saying “yes” is how things grow. Saying “yes” leads to knowledge. “Yes” is for young people. So for as long as you have the strength to, say “yes'."

"I've never seen a wild thing feeling sorry for itself."

My 5 Favourite Things of Right Now:

-Erotic Martial Arts Action Comedy Films
-O Children by Nick Cave (I am morbidly shocked by the fact that I legitimately like a song by a man who looks like a half bald rapist, but there ye go! Lifes a mystery, eh? Never know whats going to appeal to your senses!)
-My Mother
-Tenzins Mother
-The thrilling lack of School I am currently enjoying.

"Rabbit's clever," said Pooh thoughtfully.
"Yes," said Piglet, "Rabbit's clever."
"And he has Brain."
"Yes," said Piglet, "Rabbit has Brain."
There was a long silence.
"I suppose," said Pooh, "that that's why he never understands anything."

"I intend to scream, shout, race the engine, to do what I want to do and be whom I want to be and answer only to myself."

To quote ABIGAIL FISHER!* (yes, right back at you, name dropping all over the place,) "This weekend was like a story."
*Did I even spell it right? Oh, imagine the shame if I spelt your name wrong.

It was like a story, too. An Enid Blyton novel of some description. Only brought to modern times, with lots of Horny Nick. Too much, some might say.

And I mean, whatever, everything about everything was completely ridiculous, and my parents think Mr Gooch is utterly retarded, and he probably is, and we probably all are, but I guess thats nice, in a way. In the words of Tully, 'we're as screwed as a knob on a cornflake,' but it's a nice sort of screwed, isn't it? It is, in all the oddity, a strangely comforting mental image.

"I’m the girl who’s lost in space, the girl who is disappearing always, forever fading away and receding further and further into the background. I need the thing that happens when your brain turns off and your heart turns on."

"Is there a God? If not, what are all these churches for? And who is Jesus' Dad?"

Tonight Tenzin and I played Scrabble.

'I'm not superstitious, but I am a little sticious."